国家新闻社最近的一篇文章,关于一个被谋杀的人的父母对这一可怕的悲剧的反应,让我停下了脚步。他们没有谴责尚未抓获的杀人犯,也没有呼吁进行报复,而是采取了非常不同的立场。他们在报纸上说,他们原谅了杀他的人!你能设想一下吗?你能在一伙歹徒残忍地杀害你的儿子几天后,对媒体说你原谅了他们吗?值得庆幸的是,我从来没有去过这个可怕的地方,但我相信我会有很大的麻烦......

宽恕

It might be a laudable idea but is it really possible? Yet what are the choices? Hatred, resentment, even revenge! How can that help the individual I’ve lost or me? I once read a post that said, once we do not forgive, we condemn ourselves to a life sentence in addition to those our anger is directed against! If that does not stop you in your tracks, think about the consequences. There’s more and more evidence coming out regarding the self-destructive effects of negative emotions.

Our immune system is suppressed and our blood pressure increased, and that is just for starters. Perhaps holding on to these feelings should carry a government health warning! So what’s forgiveness? Surely, it’s more than an intellectual idea. If we truly forgive, then shouldn’t we act in particular ways? I’ve been thinking about it and it appears to be that “letting go” is in the heart of forgiveness. I have often witnessed family and friends say that they forgive a friend or loved one for a few insult or slight, and then they keep talking about it at every chance to anyone who would listen!

Guilt

This doesn’t feel like forgiveness to me! Up to now, I have been talking about bias directed towards others, but how about implementing it to ourselves! Guilt is something which we’ve all felt at some time or another yet it appears to me that it’s purely the product of too little self-forgiveness. If we keep beating ourselves up for making a poor decision in the past how can this help us? Surely, we will need to learn the lesson and proceed. OK, by now you might be thinking, I really need to practice forgiveness but I do not know how.

Well do not worry, you’re in good company. There are a lot of diverse exercises and approaches to forgiveness and we do not have the time to cover all of them here but I will share one which I find especially helpful. It comes in the Ancient Hawaiian healing tradition named Hoona. In mind, imagine a stage or podium.

Now invite onto that point anybody who has caused you harm, insult, disappointment, hurt or despair, one at a time. As each individual comes onto the stage, take your time and visualise them in as much detail as possible. Now imagine a cable coming out of your solar plexus, linking you to the person on stage. Imagine sending pure forgiveness and love down that cord and after doing this, see yourself cutting the cord and letting the connection with another person to draw back into yourself. Feel the feeling of release that accompanies this action.

总结

Allow the possibility that you might re-connect with this individual at a new and better way now or later on. Repeat this procedure for everyone you want to invite on the point and remember that you’re permitted to do this procedure with yourself too! Forgiveness is simple but it’s not straightforward! I feel that the benefits are enormous but we will need to practice it on a daily basis, beginning with ourselves. If we practice enough the procedure becomes habitual and we could replicate the advantages in terms of better health, better relationships and much more energy.