My life has taken a radical change during the previous six months. There came a time that I decided I wanted to be . I’d always been satisfied with drifting along. Growing up, I was never invited to be more. I was not expected to achieve much. Not by friends, family members, teachers, nor by my peers.
What is happening?
So I fixed myself into a mindset of mediocrity and deeply seated myself to this pattern over years. What made me to break those patterns, was meeting the love of my life: my wife Kenna. She captured my heart in this way that I needed to be the absolute best man I could be. She showed unconditional love and empathy that appeared unfounded, considering her upbringing and the events of her life. She had every reason to be bitter and aggressive toward everybody, like I was. But she was radiant with love yet.
The day we confessed our love for each other, was the day my entire life changed. Growing up, age 12 to age 23, I was fine with sitting around playing video games. I was fine with getting high with my friends and watching hours upon hours of aimless tv and movies. I was fine with my sole discipline being my physical fitness and Martial Arts practice.
Take into account
I saw my parents and friends, content in their anger, mediocrity, and idleness. It turned into an acceptable pattern that sadly most people today fall into. I woke up every day with a mind state that I could live forever or die tomorrow, and it did not matter either way. Life had no goal. I searched desperately for that purpose in my high school years. I studied Christianity. I’ve read the bible cover to cover twice, in addition to individual chapters over and over again. I didn’t find what I was searching for.
I studied Buddhism and got deep into it. I meditated and followed the precepts. Then I came into the notion of birth and rebirth. Summarized, it essentially says that life is suffering, and that the purpose of attaining enlightenment is to finish your cycle of life and rebirth, and therefore end your suffering. I didn’t enjoy that either. I got involved with the LDS church and tried my hardest to get involved. But before I was allowed to take part in the higher-levels of the church, I needed to pay tithing. I had been living with my grandparents, and even then just living paycheck to paycheck (admittedly partly because I did not understand how to budget and quit spending frivolously).
I discovered that my participation in that faith depended on my fiscal contribution. So, I didn’t find what I was searching for there either. I then came across a book in the Maricopa Community College bookstore with a brilliant writer named Richard Dawkins by the name”The God Delusion”. This is where I discovered the answers I was looking for. I read that book in a few days and found my route.
Keep in mind
I’m an Athiest, but it doesn’t mean I do not believe in anything. I believe in Science. I believe in Life. I believe in family and the supreme value in life is love. However this did leave the question of what is the goal of life? So, during the next few years I drifted more. I discovered a more meaningful and productive life, but still was lacking real intent. I still had the very same patterns. I searched desperately for a greater purpose. I endured a whole lot of heartache as a result of my desperation for love and acceptance.
When I had been in the US Air Force, stationed in England, I hit the peak of my loneliness and heartache, and it brought me to the edge of suicide. That’s when it struck me. Sitting clothed in my tub, holding my knife, staring at my wrists. Sudden clarity. This is unacceptable. Something must change. I scoured the web for days. That was the start of my route, at age 25. That’s when I grew up and turned into a true adult. It began with simply being thankful. I’d see the sunrise and smile in gratitude. I’d hear a bird’s song and shut my eyes and drift away with the notes.
I started to create actual interpersonal relationships, rather than feigning interest till they went away. I took pride in my job and let myself the excitement and energy to be myself. This was still a very long process, and the progress was slow because of particular conditioned patterns I was still alive. But when I met my wife, Kenna, my purpose became clear. She lifted my heart from despair and into self-realization. I began with motivational videos each morning.
Final note
Are you going to resign yourself to mediocrity? Or are you going to grow and develop? Of all of the problems I grew up with, and all the negative patterns I fixed myself into, I discovered it was not actually the world that was awakened. It was me. I’m in charge of my life, and it’ll be what I dream it is going to be. I will work relentlessly until I succeed. I will fall over and over until I finally make it to the top. Life is just as hard as we determine it is. Action is just difficult until it becomes simple. A baby falls again and again till it learns to walk. But it never gives up.
It keeps trying until it walks. Most of us have that capability to never give up even in the moment we’re born. Never stop until your life is what it could be. Never be incredible. You don’t need to begin with a marathon. Start with one step. One daily discipline repeated daily. I would advise a motivational video from one of the greats I mentioned previously. A house is not built all at one time. It’s built one brick at a time. One nail at a time. One wall at one time. My deepest, heartfelt wishes to you this report inspires you to create some positive changes in your life. May we all aspire to greatness and flourish in life.
